New York City, Open Spaces, and EATB at RCMH

I'm home today, on a day that can be accurately described as "blustery". I expect to see Piglet fly by at any moment.

I've been thinking about going for a walk all day, but I haven't wanted to drive anywhere. It's silly, really--I live in the country. All I have to do is walk outside to experience the Fall weather. Lots of New Yorkers drive to where I live to experience Autumn In The Country. Which can make things less enjoyable for those of us who live here, but tourism keeps taxes down, so we put up with it.

This morning I woke up in New York City. I went to see Echo & the Bunnymen at Radio City Music Hall last night. Given previous concert experiences, I decided it was better if I did not try to run frantically to the last train to New Jersey at 12:30, and got a hotel room just off Times Square instead. It turned out to be a blessing.

First, let me tell you about the show. It was absolutely magnificent. The stage set was beautiful, they had images from the Bunnymen's early years projected on two screens to the left and right of stage, and the band sounded amazing. Unfortunately, I was ill through most of the show. I was out drinking at the pre-show meetup with some other Bunnymen fans, and then my friend Chris and I wandered off to another bar before going to the show. The place we ended up going to was a bit more upscale, and they mostly served wine and hard liquor. I drink red wine all the time, but certain varieties really screw up my head. Unfortunately, I ended up drinking one of those varieties of wine, and felt horribly sick through the show. I ended up leaving during the Ocean Rain set--I thought I was going to pass out. I was very glad to not be getting on a train--and then driving home for 40 minutes.

The show had 2 parts--the first part of the show was a mixture of their more well-known tunes, the second half of the show was the entire Ocean Rain album, complete with live orchestra. I read some complaints about the sound on the forum, but it sounded incredible to me--Ian McCulloch's voice was flawless, and Will Seargent was playing in top form. The drums were amazing as well. Here is the setlist for the first half:

Lips Like Sugar
Rescue
Bring on the Dancing Horses
I Think I Need It Too
The Disease
All That Jazz
Back of Love
All My Colours
People are Strange
Nothing Lasts Forever/Walk On the Wild Side/In The Midnight Hour
The Cutter

So, I woke up in a hotel on 51st Street this morning. As I was leaving for the subway, I was struck by how quiet New York is at 7:00 in the morning, and how the streets are relatively empty. Times Square is a veritable zoo during the day, and more so at night--now there were only a few people here and there. The wind was blowing, and it occurred to me that New Yorkers have a wonderful Autumn all their own. The subway station was nearly empty, save 2 or 3 other people, and even Penn Station, which is almost always busy, was very quiet in its busy-ness.

New York is not for the claustrophobic. I've been to many big cities, and there is nothing anywhere like the densely populated spaces of New York. I am reminded of a J.G. Ballard short story that I read once--I think it was called "The Concentration City". The main character goes to the far reaches of the vast city to see if there is free space to test a flying machine. Even reading the story makes me claustrophobic--the idea that all space is occupied in all directions and has to be paid for. I love New York City, but I couldn't live there on account of that lack of space. I am physically exhausted by the time I come home. However, my experience walking around in an emptier city this morning made me realize that there IS space in New York City, if you know when to look for it. It's ironic in a way (see my earlier post on "quiet spaces")--I can find quiet space in New York City, but not in the country.

Riding home on the train this morning, I was looking at the portion of the Meadowlands that the train passes through en route to Newark Broad Street. I know way more about the Meadowlands than I want to, as my current funded digital project revolves around digitizing materials related to the history of the area and the commissions designed to keep it as a protected estuary. Looking at the herons sitting on top of wood and other debris in the water, I couldn't help but notice that nature in an urban area always manages to look polluted. The masses of green algae would not look out of place on a pond near my house, but it looks like a polluted mess in the industrial wastelands of East Jersey. I'm continually amazed at how different East and West (and South) Jersey are from each other.

Only 2 more weeks til I go to London. And I will NOT be drinking red wine before the John Foxx show.

John Foxx/Louis Gordon at Cargo in London: Update

OK--I've been home resting today, as I've been exhausted. I checked my MySpace bulletins. From John Foxx's page, there was an update about John's recent Japan show, and the upcoming London and Venice shows. As it turns out, both The Garden and Young Savage are on the setlist. I would give my right tit to hear John perform Young Savage live. (Sorry to be graphic, it's just a fact).

So, I have plowed a hole in my schedule for that week by postponing my midterm, and I'm going to the London Cargo show. I am still dazed--as though I will wake up tomorrow and realize it was a dream, I didn't spend $700 on a plane ticket, but I somehow don't care. In case you were wondering--yes, I have my show ticket as well. The Intertubes are just grand.

Devilish things

It's Saturday morning. I was awakened by a large black cat doing this. It is so cold in my house--I finally broke down and turned on the heat. I hate doing that before October, but this morning was ridiculous. Now that things are warming up and Shiva is sufficiently baffled by the sound of hot water moving through the baseboards, I feel like I can sit down and write.

I've gotten two invites on Facebook to the John Foxx and Louis Gordon show in London, and it just makes me more bummed that I can't go. The music is great, the shows are supposed to be amazing, they're selling limited edition CDs, and John is gorgeous, so I feel like I'm missing a lot. Continental is offering seriously cheap fares to London during October, and I have been really tempted to blow off teaching classes and to stay with Sherri for the weekend to see the show. Alas, he is playing on October 16, which is midterms week. If I bail on that, I'm in trouble. This isn't the first time I've been faced with such a dilemma, and it's times like this that I hate my tendency to be a responsible adult. However, if you are reading this and in the UK, you might want to go; the info is here. Write and tell me about it if you do. If it's really awesome, don't rub it in.

Last night I went out with Liz again, for her birthday. After dinner we watched a 70s horror flick she'd gotten through her Netflix queue called "The Brotherhood of Satan". We agree on our assessment of the film: "What the hell was that ABOUT, anyway?" Like most ill-made horror movies from the 60s and 70s, there's a lot of bad acting, poor uses of tempera paint ("is that supposed to be blood?") and an extremely disjointed plot. In some perverse way, that's what makes these movies appealing; you already know they're going to be bad, but somehow the incredulity that anyone would commit something like it to tape makes you want to watch it. There's a reason why shows like MST3K were so popular. In any event, what I took away from the movie was that apparently all children in small towns between the ages of 6 and 9 are evil. This seems to fit in with the tacky horror movie milieu, and the theory probably carries weight with primary school teachers. There is a website of bad album cover art called Show and Tell Music that features a creepy children's Bible album cover on its home page. Those children are definitely evil.

Show and Tell Music has all kinds of bad album art, but I'm always intrigued by the Christian records. To say that I am not a fan of proselytization is an understatement, but the same perversity that makes me want to watch bad movies also makes me curious about these rather absurd attempts to evangelize. They make Tammy Faye Baker look sophisticated. After looking at them and hearing some of the sound clips, I am convinced that if there are real Satanists, they must be making this albums. No self-respecting Christian who wants to convert people would make albums like these. They either talk about Jesus in a way that sounds creepy and disturbing, or they try to scare the shit out of kids (and adults) with eschatalogical warnings and visions of hell. My favorite one is "Pip Pip the Naughty Chicken", a story written for children by a Seventh Day Adventist. It talks about Pip PIp, a little chicken who wouldn't obey, so he ends up rotting in hell with Satan and all his minions. As the owner of Show and Tell Music put it: "It's cute." I no longer wonder why kids exposed to this type of Christianity have a tendency to become serial killers.

Speaking of evil things, I came across an article in my RSS feeds regarding a black fox that was sighted in a graveyard near Chorley in Lancashire. Black foxes are mentioned in Gaelic folklore, but apparently no one has ever seen one in Britain, at least until now. Like black cats and dogs, they are associated with the devil. Personally, I think the opposite--black creatures are good luck. I have 2 black cats, and I've seen no ill effects on my life (other than one of them peeing outside the litter box). We have a number of Indian students who work with us at the university library that I work at full-time. When they look at my Facebook page and see my black cats, they always ask me how I can live with black cats. Since they are believers in jyotish, I pointed out that black creatures are very auspicious for Shani or Kethu dasha. Plus, they make great "basement cat" pictures. Here is the latest one of those.

1.3 Billion Dollar Poem

National Endowment for the Arts Funds Construction of $1.3 Billion Poem (The Onion)

This may be the funniest thing I've seen yet from the Onion. Or maybe it's just because English Lit was one of my majors...

Saturday During a Tropical Storm

It's Saturday, and I'm at home while Tropical Storm Hanna is unleashing a ton of rain outside. Frankly, it's no worse than the average thunderstorm, at least not here. And as for the tropical storm wind warnings--I get bigger gales from my ceiling fan. I actually wish there WAS more wind--it would look cooler.

So, while I'm avoiding housework and 2 restless cats, I've been listening to more of John Foxx (mentioned in my earlier Ultravox post). I've been checking out more of his solo work, from "Metamatic" in 1980 to "Tiny Colour Movies" in 2006. Much of what I've heard is pretty sublime, and at the same time, very emotionally distant. I'm particularly liking it, because it goes along so well with some of the fiction I've been writing these days. In any case, I stand by my thought that John Foxx is seriously underrated; obviously he has a core of fans, but why he isn't more well-known as an artist is an absurdity to me. Then again--it seems like the best authors, musicians, and artists remain on the fringes, while a lot of trash ends up selling big (particularly true of music AND books). I don't know what this says about humankind, but it can't be good.

Speaking of absurdities--at work I've been working through cataloging a number of curriculum guides for our university's teacher education program. Maybe I'm out of the loop, but I was totally amazed to see that there are curriculum guides in science, math, social studies, and reading for kindergartners. These kids are 5 YEARS OLD. From what I've been told, this has been practice for quite some time now. The curricula get more and more difficult, classes are more and more structured--even their free time is overly structured. Who the hell ever heard of a "play date"? I hear that phrase often from my friends who are parents, and it makes me cringe. My Mom, who is one of the most paranoid individuals I know, would just turn us loose and tell us to be home by suppertime. We NEVER had schoolwork over the summer, not until high school--and that was just summer reading.

If you think all of this makes our kids smarter or more educated, you're wrong. I routinely deal with undergraduates who can barely put a sentence together. Scholarly research is pretty much non-existent (sorry, the first page of Google hits on your keyword search is not research). Most of them would not pick up a book to read for leisure if their life depended on it. My graduate students are a little better, but as I mentioned in another post, the worst offenders seem to be elementary and high school teachers. It scares me that these people do not have basic language skills.

My friend Liz (who used to teach elementary school kids until she became burned out) theorizes that most kids are burned out by the 6th grade. This is probably true. There seems to be little regard for leisure, spontaneity, or creativity in the education system (or kids' lives in general) today. Whatever happened to unstructured play? How do kids express themselves? I'm not encouraged by the kind of adults they seem to become. D.W. Winnicott is probably rolling over in his grave.

There is the whole issue of "protection" in the same way that the U.S. Patriot Act is an expression of "protection"--imposing limits in the name of safety and security. I don't buy either one. I'm sure there are some cases where kids need to be sheltered a bit more. But when I'm told that things "are worse now" than they were before--nope, don't buy it. We just hear about more things now than we did before.

I don't know what the consequences of building a nation of adults who are barely literate and can't fend for themselves will be, but I also imagine that it can't be good.

Ah well. I continue to marvel at the absurdity of humans. Creation science museums, Westboro Baptist Church, George W. Bush, the fact that the Eagles even exist as a band...the list could go on.

It appears that Shiva is shredding my paperwork upstairs. Enough speculation, back to reality...

Evolutionists Flock to Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain (The Onion)

I saw this today. Apparently the Onion doesn't provide content-embedding code anymore, so here's the link:

Evolutionists flock to Darwin-shaped wall stain

I wonder how they manage to come up with this stuff... :)

Ultravox

Thanks to Liz, I now have a new musical mini-obssession--Ultravox.

A little background here--I was a teen in the 80s. I heard Ultravox then, and I despised them. I despise Midge Ure. OK--maybe that's not fair--I'm sure Midge Ure is a decent guy. And I liked that other project of his, Visage. But I despise the Midge-Ure- influenced Ultravox. On the sliding scale of "songs that make me want to run screaming from whatever public place I'm in" (1 being a mildly annoying song, 10 being Hotel California), Ultravox's "Dancing with Tears in My Eyes" is right up there at number 10.
I have never been a fan, and always ignored them.

Then Liz and I went to dinner the other night, and as always, she's keeping me up to date on what I'm missing or what I've missed musically. I think we were looking at some WFMU "swag" from their marathon, including several mix CDs made by WFMU DJ's. There was a song by Tiger Lily on one of them, which was the precursor to Ultravox. When she mentioned them I inwardly rolled my eyes, but then she showed me this video:



I was totally gobsmacked. I had no idea that they were ever that good. At that time, their singer/songwriter was John Foxx (stage name for Dennis Leigh). I have no idea why that iteration of Ultravox did not gain as much popularity as the Midge Ure one--the pre-Midge-Ure Ultravox was brilliant!

I've gone onto MySpace, and found some of John Foxx's newer material. Quite different, but really good nonetheless. He's not only a musician, he's a graphic artist, digital designer, and lecturer. I can totally relate to a guy who creatively multi-tasks like that.

The Grim Outlook for Cataloging

There is a lot of talk these days about the "future of cataloging". For those of you who don't know about cataloging--it's the creation of information about other pieces of information--books, computer files, media, etc. The more hip term for this kind of work these days is "metadata". We do this so that you, the public, can locate this information. If it's described consistently, you will know how to search for it.

I have seen many library science folks argue that "doing metadata" is not the same as "doing cataloging". That's a load of horsesh**t. True, there are different "schemes" outside of the MARC/AACR2 structure that most of us have come to know and love (or hate) in the library world. Virtual objects don't lend themselves to being described by standards written for physical books. But that fact that the schema and tools are new does not change that fact that you are basically describing and classifying data in an organized and consistent fashion. That's still cataloging, folks.

I am not looking forward to teaching cataloging this semester. AACR2 (the "old" cataloging rules) are going to be replaced next year by RDA (the "new" cataloging rules). Logically, I should stop with AACR2 now and start working on teaching RDA. The problem is that there's still nothing to teach. Sure, there are "drafts" of RDA available on the website for the group charged with writing the rules. I have read over these drafts. I have observed two things about them: 1. They look exactly like AACR2 rules re-arranged with slightly different wording, and 2. No one can figure out how they are practically applied. Which means that RDA will come out, and people will continue to do things the way they always have--according to AACR2. They say that RDA will have a "workflow" function that should work the same way as a "wizard" in a Microsoft Office application--it walks you through the process. That's good to hear, but no one knows yet what this looks like, or if it will be as helpful as they say. I do think it's a case of the Emperor's new clothes--a lot of talk about what's new, but nothing's really there.

Given other things happening in the library field today, I do not understand why we would bother rewriting the rules for books. Allow me to explain. In the world of Integrated Library Systems, there are complaints about the fact that most ILSs are designed to inventory books--keep a list, search it, check the book in, check it out, mark it missing, whatever. People need to do other things--they have digital collections, electronic databases, serials products--and they want their ILS to have all of these things, too. It has been generally agreed that Integrated Library Systems are dis-integrating--there is no way they can keep up with and develop all of these separate technologies. So, it has been determined that the best route to go is one of interoperability--different vendors will develop the different pieces, and they should be standardized enough that they can work together relatively seamlessly.

My point is that if ILS vendors and system experts agree that there is no one solution for library data, why do librarians think there is one solution for library data? Why can't they leave AACR2 alone and develop different rules for virtual materials? MARC format may be an issue, since no one uses it but libraries--but with things like MARCXML, or some other form of conversion structure, MARC data ought to be usable on the Web. C'mon folks--there are over 1 billion MARC records out there. You're telling me that no one can develop technology to use these? We've been focused on doing things the other way around. We should also be focused on data interoperability, instead of trying to re-invent the wheel. No standard is going to cover everything; why not develop different standards and make them work together?

I was also disappointed recently by one of the ALA subcommittees, who wrote about the new "IT competencies" for metadata librarians. Two things stood out to me on their list--knowledge of XML and knowledge of Perl scripting. Anyone want to tell me why I should learn either of these things? I don't need to know HTML to author a Web page--just a few HTML basics are enough. I do XML now via cut and paste. And why Perl, the outdated programming language of ILS reporting systems? I also noted that they said a knowledge of cataloging is "helpful but unnecessary". OK, you may not need AACR2 to write digital object metadata, but you still need to understand the principles of cataloging. What I see here is newer techie types coming in, who despise all of the detail of cataloging and don't understand it, and re-writing things to make them more "techie" and supposedly more "user-friendly" for new librarians. To be a cataloger in the future, you apparently need to know Web design, Web protocols, and programming languages in addition to library standards. And I'm betting they're not going to pay you any more than the crappy $50,000 per year salaries they pay now. If I could do even one of those additional things well, I could make at least $80,000 somewhere else besides a library. The writing is on the wall--those of us with cataloging skills can either become underpaid tech-heads or retire. I'm too young to retire, and I refuse to become a tech-head--not because I can't figure out the technology, but because I just don't like doing it. I know that most of the world spends their time working at something they're not crazy about, but I'm not basing my future career on something I'm not crazy about.

So, the future of cataloging looks bleak and confusing. We have a new set of standards and tools being put in place that don't seem very revolutionary, and yet the hype says they are. You will have libraries that will continue to do things the way they always have, in spite of changes, because they will be sucked into this digital maelstrom with the rest of us. If anyone wants career advancement, they will have to deal with administrators who will believe ALA's tripe about competencies, and no one will hire you if you're not a programmer/Web designer. Librarianship will not be about handling books any longer, even though libraries will continue to buy them.

I have dropped out of NJLA and ALA, and this will be my last semester teaching library school. I hope to bail from the field entirely in the next few years. The things I love the most about being a librarian are going away, whether it makes sense or not, and I have no delusions about this, and I do not believe that I am overreacting. 15 years is a good run for a career, and I won't be the first or last person who has to face obsolescence.

The Top 8 Things That Keep Me From Relaxing After Work

Today is Friday. Lots of people like to go out on Friday nights, but after a long week, I just want to relax.

My life is stressful. Sure, there are lots of good things going on, and I have a lot to be thankful for. Nonetheless, I am stressed. Fall is coming, which is my favorite time of the year seasonally, but also means that I go from working one job to working 3 jobs--my regular one plus two teaching jobs late at night. I've done most of the prep work for them, but it's still stressful to contemplate. I live with 4 cats; you can guess which of the 5 warm bodies in this house has to pay the bills, deal with paperwork, clean the house and take care of the yard on a weekly basis. The first of these things is particularly stressful when you're broke. And driving--I drive an average of 70 miles a day just going to work. Today I got to drive 135 miles. While none of these things are inherently bad, they do eat up a lot of my time, and I do like to do other things--like have a social life, go out for a beer once in awhile, work on my novel.

So, now I am home for the weekend, and I would like to just chill out--make some dinner, have an Irish coffee, maybe read or watch something decidedly non-educational. Nay, there are other forces at work that conspire against this goal. So, tonight I bring you:

The Top 8 Things That Keep Brigid From Relaxing After Work

1. Motorcycles. I live in the country, near a not-so-major highway. There is nothing that makes you want to rip your hair out like the sound of motorcycles tearing down the highway, loud enough to wake the dead in the cemetery across the street. Even more special is when one of your neighbors has a bike and does this repeatedly up and down your street.

2. The Sound of Children Playing. I was a kid once, and I used to love to run around outside yelling and making lots of noise. My feelings used to get hurt if someone told me to pipe down; now I get it. I know, I should be enchanted by the sounds of kids babbling, running up and down the street, riding their bikes, playing games. Heck, at least they're outside getting some fresh air. But the fact is, I am not a child lover, and the sound of one of the neighborhood girls riding her bike in circles shouting LALALALALALA very loudly and non-stop is only slightly less tolerable than nails on a blackboard. If I say anything, people will think I'm a criminal, because as a female, I'm supposed to love kids. I agree with my friend's son--as an old person, I want to live in a scary old house, have weird habits, and whenever kids play outside, I want to run outside and yell, "You kids get the hell out of here!" And people would accept it because I was an old and cranky person.

3. Loud Music. I love music. I listen to it all the time. I do not assume that the rest of the world around me also wants to hear my music. Music is like religion--it's a matter of private taste. There are only two types of music that I despise: country western music (except Johnny Cash), and rap and/or hip-hop music. My neighbors are fans of both, and just love to play them at Nigel Tufnel's famous "11" volume. If it's before 10pm, they're not violating any noise ordinances, they're just offending my audible sensibilities. I'm not one of those people who can ignore a song when it comes on, no matter how much I want to concentrate on something else. And when it's rap music--you might as well be in my house whacking me repeatedly over the head with a stick.

And speaking of music...

4. Bagpipes. I live very near a church that has an official bagpipe band that rehearses regularly in the cemetery near my house. Between that and the annual fireworks the church likes to shoot off in the cemetery once a year, I think the dead buried there have a lot to be angry about. I should probably move before we have a vengeful zombie invasion. Anyway--I usually like bagpipe music, but these folks--well, they're still just "learning". Part of the problem is that they only know one song, and they play it over and over again. The song is "When the Saints Go Marching In." I told my friend Ann about this, who is part Scottish and likes a lot of Celtic/Pictish sort of cultural activities, and she told me this was impossible. Bagpipes have only one octave, and no bagpiper, no matter how skilled, could hit the notes of "When the Saints Go Marching In." Someone should tell these guys. They rehearse for a couple of hours, and then parade down the street, right in front of my house, creaking out their sad version of "When the Saints Go Marching In", with a drummer behind them who is always out of rhythm. I would laugh if my nerves weren't already fried.

5. The neighbor's dog. My neighbor has a pit bull. He's actually a very sweet dog, and when he gets loose, he'll come charging over if he sees me outside, wanting to be pet. He's a nice dog, but he doesn't always get all the attention he wants/needs. It's hard to know where to draw the line--dogs want attention from you 24/7, and your entire life should be dedicated to rubbing their belly or throwing a stick for them to fetch. (This is also true of cats, in spite of anything anyone else tells you about them). So, I can understand the neighbors putting the dog out in his kennel for awhile to get a break. But when the dog not only barks, but whines and whimpers like he's being taunted by gremlins--and he does this for HOURS--it makes you want to put a Vicodin in his water bowl. I am sure this is why the neighbors have their music up loud and all the air conditioners on in the house--to drown out the sound of the dog. I want to pound on their door and say, "Do something about your dog, dammit!", but that' s more out of futility than rationality. They can't do anything more about it than I can.

6. The basement cats. I live in an old house with a root cellar. It can't be accessed from the inside of the house; I have to walk around to the back of my house and open the iron doors to go down there. I have two cats that live down there, one who was there when I moved in, and one that moved in after I took it to the emergency vet when I found it torn up and bloodied. The latter kitty is just fine now, but likes to go out every day. I can't always let the cats out every day, especially if it is going to rain or if I'm not going to be home. I need to leave the basement door open when I do let them out, so it only happens when I'm home. But basement kitties love to scratch at the living room floor (the ceiling for them), and mewl incessantly and insistently at the sound of my voice.

7. The telephone. I have my telephone set to one and a half rings. That is about all I can reasonably stand. I never answer my phone--9 out of 10 calls are from salespeople trying to sell me new mortgages, satellite TV, or a new warranty on my 180,000 mile car. For some reason, they no longer make cordless phones with volume control, so I can't turn the ringer off or down if I don't want to hear it. So, I'll be dozing off in my bedroom, and suddenly I'm awoken by RRRRINNNGGG!!! Sometimes I actually scream. Even worse, sometimes it is someone whom I might want to talk to, but I'm usually too tired to get up and get the phone. Inevitably the person leaves a long, awkward message, or has an irritated tone in their voice that suggests that they KNOW I'm home and just not picking up, so that I'll feel guilty when they've hung up. But I don't feel guilty. People who do not understand why I don't pick up the phone at 9:00 at night do not realize that it would be worse to talk to me at 9:00 at night. If it's someone I haven't spoken to in awhile, I will feel obliged to have more than a 1-minute conversation with them. Knowing this is not possible, I wait until a time when it is possible. It drives me nuts when people don't get that, and those people often are family members. My friends do seem to get it. That's why they're my friends.

8. Kitty "accidents". My indoor cats have two well-maintained litterboxes. Nonetheless, my little female cat insists on crapping on the floor outside the box, as a protest over the fact that her brother also uses the litterbox (the horror!). She will pee in the box, but not the other. It's my male cat who pees outside the box, and not because he is angry. It's because he's a long cat who steps into a smaller litterbox meant for his sister. The box is hooded, but instead of turning around, he just stands there and pees OUT the hole of the box hood. It's not malicious, just stupid. There is nothing that says "Welcome home, Mom!" like the sight and smell of cat piss and/or shit on your floor when have come in after a long day. Aww, how did you guys KNOW that Mommy wanted to wash and disinfect the bathroom floor when she came home?

Ah well. That felt better. I'm off to watch MST3K reruns. Enjoy your weekend.

Shiva and The Object

This is my cat, Shiva, with the Object. (Have to get a little Zeppelin in the post somewhere...)

Evil pantry kitteh

I don't even need to comment on this one:



more cat pictures

Ottawa Sightseeing and ATLA Day 4

This is my last full day in Ottawa, and today was the last day of the conference. Before I talk about the conference, I have to mention the Haunted Walk of Ottawa. The Haunted Walk is one of those walking (duh) tours where the guide shows you places that are allegedly haunted, and also talks about other nearby haunted places. This of course is the perfect tour for me.

The tour started on Rue Sparks. Our tour guide was a young woman named Dana, who did a good job of telling the stories, and also navigating us around the jazz festival that is taking place in town. The first site she discussed was Rue Sparks and the surrounding area itself. The post office on the corner of Sparks and Elgin was the site of an old graveyard where cholera victims were buried. There were few records of the burials, so when the current set of buildings were built, the city moved as many bodies as they could find. Of course, bodies were still turning up in the 1970s, so the chances that there are still more bodies underneath the street is pretty good. She told us about the Chateau Laurier, a castle-like hotel that has a haunted 5th floor (dang, I knew I should have stayed there), the oldest building in Ottawa which used to be a doctor's house, and is now a restaurant (Friday's—no relation to the American chain), the old city hall, the old Normal School, and the old barracks that served as a high school in the early 20th century. She walked us along the Rideau Canal, and told a story about a haunted house in a nearby town, and also about some haunted log cabins near the river. Our final stop on the tour was the Bytown Museum, which is believed to be haunted by an old shopkeeper. The latter is supposed to be scary enough that even the founder of the Haunted Walk was freaked out by his experiences there in the evening. She also told us about the old jail, which is part of the Ghostly Gallows tour given by the same group. The jail is also supposed to be very scary. Dana said that her employers want her to learn that tour so she can give it, but she actually doesn't want to—she's freaked out by the jail every time she goes in there. Naturally, I wanted to visit both the jail AND the Bytown Museum. On the walk, I met a former Ottawa resident named Maria, who was also a veteran of the Canadian military. She pointed out some places to me, and also told me a few stories of her own.


Needless to say I got in late on Friday night, and was not moving too fast on Saturday morning. I went to one ATLA conference session, given by Chris Anderson of Drew University. Chris works in the Methodist Archives, and currently wears many hats with regard to the archives and special collections at Drew. I introduced myself, as I work right across the street (and I'm also a Drew alum who uses their library for research quite frequently). He gave a presentation on the history of lantern slides, including their uses in missionary work among different Protestant denominations. The way that the “magic lanterns” provided special effects was pretty cool, although the lanterns themselves were quite dangerous. Some of the slides contained nitrate, the projectors were very hot, and the projectionist was often in a room made of asbestos. The room would sometimes explode under these conditions, setting fire to the theater and killing the projectionist instantly. It's no wonder that 35mm projectors became a popular replacement in the early twentieth century. A couple of librarians from the Burke Theological Library showed a rotting and ill-organized collection of lantern slides that they were trying to get their hands on to properly preserve. The slides are in the theological school, but do not belong to the library. Another librarian from Yale showed some of the lantern slides from the East depicting life in the Asian countries where the missionaries were working. There was a quick discussion of preserving and handling lantern slides, and also a business meeting for the special collections interest group.

After this presentation, I went to the Bytown Museum, to see for myself if I thought it might be haunted. (We're expecting thunderstorms here tonight, so the Ghostly Gallows tour is out, unfortunately). The museum shows the development of Ottawa around the building of the Rideau Canal by Colonel By. It was originally developed as an outpost during the War of 1812, when the “American threat” faced Canada in the U.S.'s war with Britain. Thus answering the question regarding the last time anyone in the U.S. seriously thought of invading Canada. The museum itself was interesting, and had some real historical rarities from Ottawa history. As to the haunted part—naturally I am not equipped to make a scientific assessment, but if I was to go on my intuition, I would say that something seems to be going on there. When I walk into a place that seems to have paranormal activity, I tend to feel a buzzing in my head and a tight, swirling feeling in my chest. This does not happen in every reputedly haunted place; in fact, it's pretty rare for me to feel it. I did feel it when I examined the first floor of the museum. There is a basement area just outside the main room of the first floor, where there is a mannequin dressed in 19th century clothing, and some old trunks, in what appears to be some kind of display, but there is no description. When I stepped back there, the feeling was very strong, and I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around to see a winding staircase, but it was clearly a leftover from another time, because it didn't go anywhere except into the wall. I heard steps on the staircase, but no one was there. I left that room and went upstairs to the other two floors. I didn't experience anything upstairs at all.

After visiting the Bytown Museum, I went to Darcy McGee's for lunch, and then returned to my room and collapsed. It was raining pretty steadily outside by this point, so I didn't feel like running around town. I've enjoyed Ottawa, but I am looking forward to getting back home.

ATLA in Ottawa (Day 2/3)

Today is actually Day 3 of ATLA—Day 2 was intense, so I never got back to my computer.

The first thing I attended on Thursday was the new member breakfast. I thought it started at 8, it actually began at 7. I had yet another clock alarm mishap. I set the alarm for 6 and turned it on. When I woke up at 7, it said “alarm off”. I am not alarm-clock-setting impaired, yet this has happened to me in two separate locations over the last two weeks. As though the gremlins think I need more sleep or something.

In any case, I did catch the end of the new member breakfast, and did meet a few folks. I then went over to the Plenary Address given by the University Librarian of the University of Ottawa, Leslie Weir. She discussed Scholar's Portal (www.scholarsportal.info) which is a large-scale digital collection of holdings from 72 libraries in Canada. They ingest materials from commercial vendors and open access initiatives. They opted for a uniform e-book interface via Ebrary, and the portal's front end is run through a software called Marklogic. The consortium behind Scholar's Portal does not lease materials; they buy the collections outright, which not only eliminates copyright issues, but allows them to check off the collections on their financial asset sheets as something owned. They do some large scale digitization (that was funded largely by Microsoft, but that funding will unfortunately ending), and everything they output is open access. I was impressed with the way the group started small with e-Journals and worked their way up to all types of materials. They are asking that publishers provide materials in XML format, but they have minimal compliance on that at the moment. Hopefully that will change in the future.

I was pleased that Leslie made a point of noting that print is not dead. Current students tend to look only for the electronic versions of books, journals, and other materials, but the scholar's portal setup helps “put the print version in front of their face” as well as the electronic options. A balance is definitely needed, even if digitization is widespread. Some cool features of Scholar's Portal include RefWorks, which allows Canadian students to retain their citations throughout their entire career in Canada (assuming that they go to all Canadian universities and eventually work in one). ODESI (pronounced “odyssey”) is a portal of social science and statistical data that allows researchers who need meaningful statistics but are not statisticians to actually get the numbers they need. They are also adding something called “Discovery Layer Search Capabilities” as an OPAC replacement. University of Toronto should be unveiling this soon, and I plan to look at it when it's up, to see how well the search technology works. Another interesting tidbit—the OLUC (consortium of Canadian libraries on the project) do not really care whether researchers use their home page or catalog—they are just as happy if the info is accessed through Google Scholar, or some other portal. It is good to see someone getting away from the “must-use-our-homepage” model of access.

After the plenary I attended a roundtable discussion of NACO. It turns out that ATLA has its own NACO funnel, coordinated by Judy Knop. We had an interesting discussion about NACO and how useful it is to be a NACO member, as well as discussions of quality of work from authority control vendors, specific heading-establishment conundrums, and the difficulties of balancing authority work with the rest of the Technical Services workload. Judy mentioned the virtual authority file, which allows access to the authority files of national libraries around the world. (I think I have the correct link posted above, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

I took a lunch break at the Highlander Pub on Rue William Street. I expected to find various varieties of Scotch, I did not expect to see Scotch Malt Liquor ice cream. (They were out of it, unfortunately, so I didn't get to try it). I did, however, try one of the lagers that was brewed locally. I don't drink lagers that often, but this one was pretty good. I think it is called Creemore Springs.
Later, I went to the LAC (Library and Archives of Canada). We all got onto chartered buses, but the driver apparently had the wrong directions. He took us to the Wellington St. facility, which is the National Library of Canada. We were supposed to go to Gatineau in Quebec to the Archives facility. After some random driving around in French Quebec (my favorite sign: Place du Wal-Mart), and after going past some row houses, our coordinator thought she saw a Canadian flag on top of a building, and told the bus driver to head that way. Turns out she was right. Interestingly enough, the LAC is located in front of a Home Depot.

The LAC catalogers were very welcoming, and talked about their cataloging operation. We were given complimentary CD-ROM copies of the National Bibliography of Canada, though it's also easily obtainable online as AMICUS. (I usually consult AMICUS when establishing Canadian authors via NACO). A couple of things highlighted were their bilingual cataloging program (English and French), the Canadian List of Subject Headings (which covers local interest subjects not treated adequately by LCSH), and the difficulties with classifying hymnals using LOC classification in Canada. With regard to the latter, there are apparently multiple class numbers and 57 cuttering variants for American hymnals, and one number for “all of Canada and Mexico” (M2133, I think, but I'd have to look it up to be sure). They outlined 3 proposals to LOC for modifying this without disrupting the schedules too much. I was surprised that we got all of the presentations in, plus had some time to chat with the LAC catalogers before getting on the bus to go back to Ottawa.

Once we returned to Ottawa, we stayed on the bus to get to the riverboat cruise on the Ottawa River. This was a pretty nice event, and it was lovely to see all of the buildings lit up at night near the Rideau Canal, but it was an exhausting event. The boat was full, and we were all sort of crammed in together at dinner. I chatted with some librarians from Toronto and Southern California, but eventually I was getting tired, and really wanted to get back and get to bed. Dinner was just sandwiches and such, so I was glad that I'd eaten a full lunch, as I don't do sandwiches. I felt pretty lousy by the time I got to my hotel room again, but a couple of Advil and a shower took care of that.

Today is Friday, and after some debate, I decided that I'm not going to any sessions today. I'm very tired, and I do want a chance to see some museums and other sites downtown. I also want to check out the one Irish pub I seem to have missed. (There are probably others that I have missed, but these look like the most fun). Tomorrow is another full day of presentations, plus the closing banquet, so I won't be here too much longer. While I've enjoyed the company of the other librarians here at the conference, I do need a little “down time” to myself. (OK, those of you who know me know that I need LOTS of downtime, evidenced by the fact that I disappear for days at a time and don't return calls for weeks).

I'll post about the last leg of the trip tomorrow, or Sunday.

I should note that I was interrupted by a random fire alarm in the hotel while writing this. I went outside as instructed, and ran into Tolonda Henderson from New Brunswick Theological Seminary (I mention her presentation on Alice Walker in my posting on MAAR). We noted with interest that there was no hotel staff outside instructing people NOT to come in, and no one around whatsoever to provide any direction as to what to do. They let us back in within about 10 minutes, so I'm guessing it wasn't that serious. Good thing, too!

ATLA in Ottawa (Day 1)

I've been in Ottawa, Canada for the past two days now. I'm attending the ATLA (American Theological Librarian Association) conference. I've never been to Canada, in spite of the fact that I only live about 5 or 6 hours away by car. I flew into the Ottawa airport, which I've been told is a whole lot better than the Toronto airport by the locals. Quite a difference from Newark, which is total chaos—I was surprised to see the radio tower popping up from a green hill, a grassy clearing surrounded by what appeared to be pine trees. Our passengers were the only ones at the airport, besides the folks who worked there.

On the shuttle bus over, I met a gentleman who was attending the conference, and he introduced me to a few others that he knew at the hotel. A group of us ended up heading to a pub in the Byward Market (Marché By), and having a number of interesting conversations about Canadian politics, beer, travel, library systems, and life in general. It was a great evening, but I was really tired this morning.

Today's conference sessions were optional workshops, and I ended up going to two sessions. The first session was on writing for Theological Librarianship, the new peer-reviewed journal published by ATLA. Beth Bidlack was the main presenter of this session, and she gave a lot of excellent tips on researching, writing, and revising in general for scholarly articles. The main thrust of her talk included three things: 1. Use questions to narrow your interests into a specific topic, 2. Read your work critically (and have others do the same) to find areas that are overdeveloped or underdeveloped, and 3. Think about who your audience is, and what you want them to do with the information you are giving them.
We then had breakout sessions to discuss different types of contributions: bibliographic essays, reviews, and articles. I was in the articles session. Dr. Ron Crown, one of the editors, led the session, and discussed specific guidelines for submission and answered questions about specific topics. Overall it was very useful, and Beth provided a bibliography of resources for writers that looks very much on target.

The second session I attended was on the new CONSER standard record for serials. (Non-catalogers can just skip right over this paragraph). It was presented by Judy Knop, ATLA's digitization coordinator. I could tell that these were modified from a PCC CONSER presentation, most likely one given by LC. Judy did a great job of modifying the slides to make them clear, concise, and helpful. The biggest change in serials has been simplification to promote access and decrease description. Apparently RDA is also going in this direction. Currently, if one follows the CONSER minimum standards, it will be simple if one only does serials cataloging, but if you also do monograph cataloging, there is some contradiction with AACR2, though Judy said the LCRIs have been updated to reflect the CONSER changes. It's both good and bad; the simplification of the standard makes it easier for the average non-serials librarian to enter CONSER level records, but you lose your breadcrumb trail through the record's history. If there are no notes, how the heck do I know what was done before and for what reasons? The CONSER committee has a proposal in to MARBI to add certain 5XX fields for CONSER standard notes; having separate fields would allow the sys admins to suppress those fields in the OPAC, but still allow them to be available for the catalogers. One way that notes are being eliminated is by adding $i's to the 710 added entries (similar to those added to linking entries), so that you can see the year(s) that a particular corporate body was involved in the publication (this is still a MARBI proposal, not a fait accompli). At the end of the session Judy asked about interest in a CONSER funnel, with the only requirement being NACO corporate body training; independent status was not necessary. I'm definitely interested in doing this, and let her know.

OK, there were too many acronyms in that last paragraph. Such is the plight of the librarian. This evening I skipped out on the receptions and took a long walk through town, hitting a couple of different pubs for dinner and drinks (and a visit to the drugstore for some things I forgot to bring). Ottawa is not really like any other place I've been. The best description I can come up with is that it's like an integration of Oxford, England and Madison, Wisconsin, without Oxford's ROS (Really Old Stuff). The buildings are gorgeous, and the town is overflowing with culture. Even with all of the college kids out on the town, it still feels more like a European city, though one could easily imagine the Madison farmer's market, or the night life on State Street. So far, I like it a lot.

I will write more tomorrow, after the day's session.

Erik Estrada and Sexual Predators

I found this link via another blog that I read:
Erik Estrada Having an Actual Conversation with a Sexual Predator

So, sexual predators remember--you might not be talking to some cute young thing--you may be talking to Erik Estrada.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Angel of Death (Weekly World News)

I didn't know the Eagles were touring.

THE LAZER COLLECTION

I don't get this at all. But I can't stop watching it:

Hotness

Maybe it is the 96 degrees plus high humidity here this week, but I’ve been thinking a lot about “hotness”. By that I mean “hotness” in the sense of “attractiveness”.
I don’t normally spend time thinking about this. But recently a Facebook friend of mine invited me to add the “Hot, Cute, or Okay?” application. So, I thought, what the heck, why not. I was rather surprised to see the number of guys—cute guys (!)—who rated me as “hot”, or even as “cute”. Perhaps some of it should be taken with a grain of salt.

But more interesting to me was my own response: “why would a guy find me hot?” Mind you, I don’t think I’m an ugly person, or even undesirable. But somehow I don’t think of myself as having “hotness”.

When I was in my teens, I had a cute body but a terrible face—I had lots of skin problems. My nose was also too large and out of proportion (that was fixed 20 years ago via plastic surgery). Over the years, the cruel hormones of teen years have turned kinder, and not only have my major skin issues disappeared, I also look much younger than my actual years. I’ve inherited my father’s skin—he had skin issues similar to mine, but at the age of 76, he has very few wrinkles at all. Mom doesn’t look so bad, either at 70. So, what was a liability is now something envied by my contemporaries. However, in this bargain, I have traded an awesome figure for one that I merely consider OK. I’m not fat, but I’m not as skinny as I used to be, either. My Mom being a size 4 does not help that image. I’ve noticed that my body type is not necessarily a problem for guys; girls seem to think that they have to be very thin, while guys like a few curves. I’m still a size 8, which I’ve been most of my life.

So, all things considered, I should be pretty satisfied with my appearance, and overall I’m not complaining. But I’m still shocked by the idea that someone would consider me “hot”. I don’t think I’ve let go of the physical insecurities of my younger years, in spite of all the revelations and enlightened moments I’ve had about self-image and popular culture.

Which leads me to flirting problems. When men flirt with me, I don’t really know how to respond. I either think they’re joking, or I’m embarrassed. So, my apologies to my male friends out there who have gotten flirty with me and were met by silence or an awkward response. It’s not personal. Really. As I told someone recently, I’m a retarded flirt.

The other problem I have is the relationship problem. In spite of the fact that many dating relationships do not end up as serious relationships, some backwards part of my brain still evaluates long-term possibilities when considering a date with a guy. I’m not a fan of marriage, having suffered through that for many years, but what the heck do I want anyway? One day I’m happy to have a fling, the next day it’s long-term or forget it. Not knowing what I want has been a problem, and has made me something of a hermit.

Sex is yet another thing. I have a very sexual side, but usually it’s hidden. I’m not into the idea of getting down and dirty with strangers, and like the flirting problem, I still feel awkward about being “sexual”. Maybe astrology has the answer—in my chart, Venus and Mars (sexual and aggressive energies) are in the 12th house—the house of hidden things and fears—along with Saturn, which is the planetary influence that puts the brakes on everything. As one astrologer told me, “It’s not that you’re not sexual. It just expresses itself very awkwardly.” That does seem to fit.

In a wider perspective, I don’t think I’m the only woman who feels this way. Thoughts, anyone?

"The Ivory Tower Basement"

This morning I found an article from Atlantic Monthly in my RSS feeds called “The Ivory Tower Basement”, written by a community college adjunct professor identified only as “Professor X” who teaches basic English composition courses. He discusses the American ideal of everyone being educated, and everyone going to college. Yet, it is clear to him that not everyone should go to college; not everyone has the aptitude. He fears that he sounds like an intellectual snob for even saying it, but the facts speak for themselves.

In one of my many roles, I am also an adjunct professor, in Library or Educational Media programs. These are usually graduate level courses at universities, and for the most part, I don’t run into the kinds of issues that are cited in the article. However, I did teach aspiring school librarians at a particular place that shall remain unnamed, and I was appalled at the writing and grammar skills possessed (or not) by many of them. They were graduate students, but felt no need to pay attention in class. They were very vocal about their grades, as they needed a certain grade to get compensation from their districts. Some of them were very good students, but the bad ones really stood out to me, mainly because they WERE schoolteachers. All I could think was, “you can’t even put a basic sentence together, and you’re teaching elementary school children??” How do these people get into a college course, never mind graduate school?

The university I work for (not the same as the school mentioned above) has prided itself on being a “business school” for years. I work in the university library, and we get copies of students’ Masters’ theses. It is rather disconcerting to see the misspellings and poor grammar in many of these theses—and astonishing to see the professors who have signed off on them. Some of the misspellings are right on the title page of the work. Nothing like ruining your university’s graduate program reputation right on the first page!

The Atlantic article got me thinking of all of the teacher/student conundrums I have come across on both sides of the fence. As a freshmen in college, I didn’t have my priorities straight the first year, which is probably not uncommon. After my first “C”, I decided I had to get my act together, and was nearly a straight-A student after that. When I went for my first Master’s degree, I was taking 5 classes (NOT recommended), working 3 jobs, and was a newlywed in what turned out to be the Marriage From Hell. By the end of my first semester I had mononucleosis. I was still in the MFH while working on my second Master’s, and was in a corporate job that gave me a grand total of 9 days off per year. Once I left my corporate job for a university job, it became easier to do my graduate work because I had more time and breathing space.

Why even mention these things? Because I know what it’s like to be a student under pressure. I have been blessed with the ability to write and have a command of the English language, which is probably how I got through most of my coursework at those rough times. But even with that aptitude, I found it very difficult at times to balance my family life, work life, and school life. When I look at my graduate students, I tend to be more lenient, because I have a pretty good sense of what they’re going through. However, that doesn’t mean compromising academic integrity. I agree that you don’t do students any favors by giving them grades they don’t deserve.

From my own experience, I have seen 3 reasons why students do not excel:

1. Life gets in the way (students are too tired/overwhelmed to make the effort)
2. Students are not making the effort out of laziness or indifference
3. Students are making the effort, but don’t have the competence to excel

I think many graduate students, and students who return to school after many years, fall into the first category. The second category is a frustrating one, if not understandable from time to time; the fact is that students are just not interested in some of the courses they have to take. Students in the third category should not have been steered towards college at all, but go anyway because it’s the only way to get a job, or be promoted.

In a country that does value education (and as someone who personally values education), it sounds outrageous to say that some folks shouldn’t go to college. But it would be nice if our culture did not tout the college degree as the calling card of intelligence and ability. I can see the value of a liberal arts education in terms of teaching people about the wider world and how to evaluate its ideas. But do students really care about that? How many times have I heard “I’m going to take courses that will get me a job, not this philosophy stuff”? The word “scholar” comes from the Latin word “schola”, meaning “leisure”. The idea was that a scholar had time to contemplate the world—that person was a person of “leisure”. They were not out plowing the fields or doing other kinds of labor. While that kind of separation seems elitist today, it is clear that trying to marry the college-as-vocation view with the scholarship-as-contemplation view does not always work out so well. Both types of skills are needed for different reasons, but not everyone is suited for both.

I will be teaching undergraduates for the first time this Fall in my pet subject, Religious Studies. It will be interesting to see how that experience compares to the graduate teaching experience. I hope that I will not encounter the same issues “Professor X” encountered, as I am not at a “college of last resort”, but I need to be prepared for anything.

The Onion (again): Teen Discovers Led Zeppelin

Normally I don't do 2 Onion posts in a day, but I just saw this one and nearly spit my tea across the room...

Teen Who Just Discovered Led Zeppelin Starting To Piss Off Friends

The Onion: Everything Falling Apart

Everything Falling Apart, Reports Institute For Somehow Managing To Hold It All Together

Brigid Meditation 2: Entitlement and Boundaries

August 25, 2002

Recently I have been confronted with reoccurring themes of entitlement, obligation, and boundaries.

The first two appear to be dysfunctions of the virtue of sharing. Dysfunction may be too strong of a word, however, in the context of boundaries. If a friend continually takes you out to dinner, or buys you gifts, it is taken as an act of generosity at first. But if it is often repeated with no opportunity for return, a sense of obligation ensues.

If a person has any sense about the virtue of sharing, they will feel some guilt at being something of a “parasite”. If the giver expects something in return for his or her gifts or services, then it is not unconditional giving – there is a sense of entitlement, of getting something deserved in return. This is not restricted to gift-giving; it can happen between an employer and an employee. I work in government, where people are frequently underpaid, and this sense of entitlement rears its ugly head quite often. Two things should be borne in mind. One, non-attached giving is always more satisfactory than attached giving. In a microcosm/macrocosm sense, ideals and goals that have worldly attachments are also not as satisfactory as detached ones; one is always left wanting. The sense of entitlement in such mundane circumstances is often a reflection of the internal dissatisfaction. The second thing to be borne in mind is the big picture. Using the job analogy, one may be underpaid, but they might have airtight job security and excellent benefits. Sometimes one has a lenient employer who does not nickel and dime you for every minute worked. If one is really very unhappy and cannot rid themselves of the sense of entitlement, then it could be a sign of boredom or stagnation, in which case the best choice is to leave and find a more satisfactory situation. It should be remembered that whatever the new situation brings, it will be lacking in some area—no situation is “perfect.” To quote Amy Zerner: “Dissatisfaction results from wanting things to be as they are not. Feel the goodness in things staying as they are.”

In the case of obligation within relationships, this is almost never healthy in the long term. For example, a relationship with an alcoholic often becomes an enabler/victim scenario. One enables the alcoholic when they pick up the slack for their neglected responsibilities. Often this is because the consequences of the alcoholic’s non-responsibility negatively affects the enabler. As a result, the alcoholic/victim will always assume they will be bailed out of any trouble they cause, and do not cease in the offending behavior. In short—they never grow as human beings. The only way to deal with such a situation is to cut bait and let this person make their own way. Here we come into the domain of boundaries and detached love—you love someone enough to let them make their own mistakes. Support is one thing, taking over someone else’s responsibilities is another. The Divine/Universe never gives us more than we can handle. If the alcoholic fails, he or she has no one to blame but him/herself, which is the hardest thing to accept.

I will take a side trip here into issues of control and accountability. Sometimes we become enmeshed in another’s problems to feel good about ourselves. This is another ego attachment. I call it the “martyr syndrome”—one does good works simply to show the world that they do good works. Ammachi has pointed out that selfless giving comes only from God; all other giving has some kind of selfish motive. One of the great mysteries of human relationships is that sometimes one is more compassionate in cutting someone off than in continuing this kind of control/controller bond. Without animosity, you can let someone go, that they may find their way and not use you as a crutch. They may not learn, and may find others to fill the same function, but that is not your concern.

Being too concerned with another’s problems is often the consequence of avoiding self-knowledge. We seek to fix the problems of others, because we see reflected in them our projection of the problems we need to fix within ourselves. Projections are dangerous, and cause people to think that they must know what’s best for another human being. They rob that person of the chance to “do it themselves”. Pity is a deplorable feeling because it falls into this category. Pity says, “I feel sorry for you because you’re not like me.” It’s a hugely egotistical statement.

Speaking of “like me”—have you noticed that a definition of “normal” could be “like me”? We consider those who are not like us to be “strange”. This again is a problem of ego attachment—we identify ourselves with our myths and our worldly status, and do not see the Universe as a whole. Our lives become the model for the lives of others. “We are actors playing a role so well that we have forgotten that we are actors.” It is necessary to develop Self-awareness, to be able to discriminate between Self and worldly persona. Even if we are not fully Self-aware, this insight can be monumentally helpful in “performing right action.” No longer burdened by those illusions, we can look at other human beings with detached compassion.

Ceiling-Catism

As you know, I am a huge fan of LOLcats. I have noticed that the Ceiling Cat pictures have taken on a full theology of their own, and can now be considered a religion. All the elements are there:

There is a Deity:



There is a Creation Myth:




There is a Scripture:




There is Theodicy:




There is a theology to go along with the Theodicy:






There is a Sotierology:



There is a Religious Order:



There is Proselytization:




And a few religious crazies:



Finally (so to speak), there is an Eschatology:



So, likes, everywun shud wershup de Ceiling Cat, k?

Brigid Meditation 1: The Self

August 24, 2002

There are two entirely different definitions of the word “self”. In the more familiar sense, “self” has to do with the ego—as in “selfish” or “selfless”. It is essentially worldly, because it puts the wants of the individual before the needs of others. Philip Berg (The Essential Zohar) described addiction as a misplaced longing for God. Similarly, the materialistic goals of the ego are a substitute for the ultimate satisfaction of Union with God. But, as Paul Tillich noted (Dynamics of Faith), all concerns that are not the Ultimate Concern will ultimately lead to disillusionment. Addictive behaviors, such as drinking and smoking, are temporary fixes used to contend with disappointments of disillusionment. One might be disillusioned with the government, with one’s family, with one’s church, or with a lover. Whatever it may be, it was someone or something held as a high ideal by that person. And, like all “worldly attachments”, it will ultimately let us down.

Which brings me to the other definition of “self”. This is Self with a capital “s”, for it is the realized Self. If we follow what Tillich says, faith in worldly attachments and literalist interpretations of faith that are tied up with our egos and neuroses are idolatrous. Then, if true faith is Ultimate Concern, then it has to do with who we really are and why we are here. This is why self-realization is very important. It is required to understand these very things. Introspection has no relationship to selfishness; on the contrary, it is a tool for rising above the mundane, and seeing the Divine in oneself, and in everyone else. Carl Jung, the first psychoanalyst to introduce the idea of self-realization, did not really believe it was possible for humans to become totally self-realized or “individuated”. Indeed, there are few realized Selfs walking around on this Earth. But of those who are, you would notice a lack of “selfishness”. In fact, such people are often selfless, wishing to help others fulfill their purpose and put an end to suffering.

What are the “purposes of humanity”? The Ultimate goal, which can be seen in the mysticism of any religion, is Union with God (or whatever you prefer to call that ultimate consciousness/reality). This means dissolution of the Ego and the willingness of the soul to collapse into No-Thing, which is actually a Divine Bliss. In a Kabbalistic metaphor, the Tree of Life retracts upon itself. If I may attempt to use a metaphorical image: if we picture God as a Great Man of Light, then humans are the reflection of this Great Man. There is a Jewish term for this Great Man: Adam Kadmon. The Divine Reflection is made up of a sea of Divine fires, and these are individual souls. Because they are the Divine Reflection, they are really a part of “God”. However, there is a veil drawn between the manifested Divine Reflection (which could be called “God’s creation”) and the Divine Itself, so that we cannot in fact see that we are part of the Divine. The Kabbalistic term for this veil is the tzimtzum. The Kabbalistic tradition says that the Messiah will come and the world will end when Adam Kadmon becomes fully conscious of what he Is. This would require all souls to be aware of their Divine origin and connection.

However, the path to self-knowledge is difficult, and once a soul achieves something like self-realization, it faces many dangers. This is called the Lucifer aspect of Tiphareth. Tiphareth is the middle sephiroth of the Tree of Life, and is often represented as Moses standing on Mt. Sinai—you can look up and see the “face of God” and also look down and see the Kingdom from a broader perspective. ShTain (Satan) appears at this point to see if we can be drawn back to the worldly—our worthiness is tested (see Job AND Jesus’ temptation). People who practice Satanism are folks who often reach a point of self-realization, but they think of it as a self-contained phenomenon (self rather than Self, their individual selves rather that the Whole)—and so they see themselves as Divine and no one else. Because they are tied up in self and not Self, they are often hedonistic—interested in their own material pleasures and pursuits rather than moving beyond their realization to become one with the Whole. They believe they can control others because they “are” God. An O.T.O. Brother once noted with amusement that “Satanists shake their fist at an empty sky, and yet create their circles invoking the high Holy names of God.” This is highly illogical, as you could not be protected by something that isn’t supposed to exist. This inherent contradiction is evidence of the self/Self mix-up.

The Brigid Meditations

Starting today, I am going to post a series of things that I wrote back in 2002-2003. To give you some background--I had just met Ammachi, had discovered Thelema, and was spending hours on prayer, meditation, and introspection. It was difficult to ground myself in the material world in those days, and I had frequently contemplated the idea of joining a religious order, or otherwise committing to a life of contemplation and silence. That was not to be, and I've found myself trying to integrate that silence and contemplation with my crazy/insane life.

I recently rediscovered these writings, when I was looking for notes for a book I am currently working on. Given the state of mind I was in when I wrote these, I find them very interesting. I'm curious to see what you think. Feel free to comment!

American Government and the Will of the People

In the last couple of weeks, I finally finished the book “Unruly Americans and the Origins of the Constitution” by Woody Holton. The book is an account of American government during the days of the Articles of Confederation, and all of the chaos that ensued from the economics of that period. Paper money was virtually worthless, government bonds couldn’t be repaid, and there was little actual gold and silver to go around. There was a constant battle between debtors and creditors that often caused taxes to go unpaid, and gave the new nation a bad credit rating with other countries. Holton goes into great detail about these things, quoting extensively from primary sources. This should be interesting, but frequently it gets tedious. In certain parts of the text, I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over again for pages at a time. This is why it took me so long to finish the book (about 3 or 4 months).

Towards the end of the text, Holton discusses the Constitutional Convention. It was supposed to be a session for the revising of the Articles of Confederation, but many of those attending the Convention had a total overthrow of the Articles in mind when they sat down to the table, though they did not mention this to their constituents, or at the Convention, at least not initially. If they had told their constituents what they had in mind, they probably would have never been sent to the Convention in the first place. Amid this discussion, there was a quote that stuck with me: “[An] elected representative is not simply an instrument of his constituents’ will. He is instead an independent thinker who ought to execute justice as he himself defines it” (p. 181).

This is fascinating, as much as it is ironic. If the members of the Convention had not been swayed to this type of thinking, the Constitution may not have happened, and the United States may have failed as a nation.

So, in turn, I find myself thinking about our current governmental situation. Most of us who despise Bush as a President do so because he is often deaf to the will of the people. He most certainly “execute(s) justice as he himself defines it.” A characteristic of the Constitutional Convention had been the economic standing of those present—all the delegates were wealthy men, and represented their own interests. One criticism of the current Republican government is the favoring of the wealthy and of big business. In short, things don’t appear to have changed much ideologically. What is interesting is that this attitude is what saved our country early on, but currently it appears to be destroying it.

What is the difference here, or more importantly, what is the historical lesson? It seems to me that this lopsided representation doesn’t have to have a negative result. I am not implying that I think Bush has made the right choices in his tenure. If anything, it may prove that ideologies have spectra within themselves, and no one ideology works for all situations. The same medicine obviously does not cure all ills.

Pope Benedict XVI and Relativism

Recently, the new Pope came to the United States. I did not go to see him; however, I did watch a couple of specials on him on the Catholic channel (EWTN). There was an article on him in the New York Times, and another in the Newark Star Ledger. I haven't read either of them yet. However, from what I've gleaned from recent news articles and the Catholic channel specials, there is more to Pope Benedict that initially meets the eye.

For one—I share one great passion with him: books. He begged John Paul II not to take him away from his great library in Bavaria. If he hadn't joined the Church, I'd bet the man would have become a professional cataloger. He fits the stereotype—shy, bookish, not wanting to go out and entertain the general public. As a professional cataloger myself, I run into this stereotype all the time; I sort of fit it, but not in an extreme way. In any case, I understand the desire to be buried by books and avoid the idiocies and politics of the organization. Part of his negative reputation no doubt stems from his introversion—he is not charismatic in the way John Paul II was.

However, there is a downside to his insular, bookish approach to Catholicism. For all of the theologizing Benedict has done, it has isolated him in some respects from the real world and how it operates. This does not make him unique compared to a lot of priests, but it's more noticed because of his office—previously as a Cardinal, and now as Pope.

Before becoming Pope, Cardinal Ratzinger made some interesting statements. He blames the Church for turning the Mass into an empty recitation of formulas. The hollowness of much Catholic faith clearly disturbs him, and he is right to be disturbed. But it was one telling statement in particular that made my eyebrows go up, even though it really shouldn't; Ratzinger talked about the rise of “relativism” in Church culture—by telling the faithful that there are no absolute truths, they fall prey to a relativism that has a selfish egoism as its goal. I seem to remember him throwing mysticism of certain types into that category.

This is where I disagree with Ratzinger's theology, or at least it shows how Church theology does not square with life as people experience it. The goal of relativism is not egoism. The problem is that the faithful are told that there is only one version of the truth, and then their life experiences teach them in no uncertain terms that this cannot be so. Their life experiences do not jive with Church teachings. Certain issues like abortion and homosexuality are NOT black and white issues, and the faithful come to an uneasy realization about this that leads to conflict.

To give an example: my Mom told me about a Sunday in her church where the priest passed around a “pro-life” petition that all parishioners were asked to sign. He actually watched to see who signed and who didn't. In the end, most parishioners didn't sign. Why? Because they're in favor of abortion? Probably not. But they are uneasy with the idea that abortion is wrong in all cases. What if a father rapes his daughter and she gets pregnant? That's a tough one. Could you blame the girl for wanting an abortion? The alternative is to have no safe alternative, and we know the kinds of horrors that occurred prior to Roe v. Wade. The Church's hard-line teaching on abortion didn't come about until the 19th century—prior to that, they believed abortion was wrong after the second trimester, which is in line with Jewish teaching as well. So what changed? Did someone suddenly have a revelation from God that all abortion is wrong? Of course not. The Church was losing members. By not allowing the faithful to have abortions, and disallowing birth control, they hoped to increase the Church population. The reasons are political, not spiritual. And it has ballooned into a huge political issue, a sort of "litmus test" of a good Christian in more conservative circles who actually think being a Christian is a prerequisite for public office.

When “good Catholics” who are sincere about their faith find these things out, it causes serious struggles psychologically. This can cause them to either break with the Church, disregard most of Church dogma in favor of relativism, or embrace its doctrine in a “forced literalist” kind of way.

So, if the Pope is looking to keep members who are “healthy” Christians, he really needs to think his position on relativism, as do the theologians of the Vatican and elsewhere. I agree with Pope Benedict when he says theology should be a “guideline”--guideline necessarily means that it is not an absolute interpretation. From a faith point of view—how you can determine or control the will of God? Who says that God follows the rules you've laid out? It's pure hubris to think that the Ultimate only works within the limitations of our own religious thinking. The Ultimate is beyond our comprehension, and our level of surrender must therefore be flexible, open to whatever we are presented with. Too often the lessons learned from experiences do not jive with man-made doctrines, no matter how inspired or well-thought-out. Discriminating between right and wrong is not usually simple and straightforward.

Robyn Hitchcock and Nick Lowe at Manhattan Center

I saw Robyn Hitchcock and Nick Lowe at the Manhattan Center last night. I met up with a friend and colleague of mine and her husband before the show at Tir Na Nog’s, which proved to be a great find—there aren’t too many great restaurants right around Penn Station. After some chaos with line management (not to mention that you need to take the elevator to the 7th floor to get to the Grand Ballroom—is that a fire hazard?), we got into the venue, and were surprised that there were assigned seats. After having some cabernet, I left my friends to return to my own seat.

Both sets were purely acoustic, and both performers are great performers. They keep the show interesting with their patter, and the songs they played were great. Robyn Hitchcock came on first. I have to admit that I do not know Robyn Hitchcock’s catalog of music that well—the couple of albums I do know I absolutely love. With a lot of songs I often find the music moves me more than the lyrics, but Robyn Hitchcock is a great lyricist, so I find the reverse is true with him (not to slight the music, which is also excellent). He chattered about Ghandi sleeping with a Fender Telocaster (which he never touched—he just kept it there to prove he was above temptation), and how tuning a guitar is representative of “consensus”—there are 3 strings that need to be tuned. He is tuning 2 of those. The third one is probably already in tune, but he needs to coordinate it with the other two. A sort of metaphor for “consensus” on the Iraq war, he noted. He played for about 50 minutes, and ended with a song he was asked to write for the 60th anniversary of the Declaration of Human Rights document writing, which was amazing (though he couldn’t understand why they didn’t ask David Crosby instead of him).

Nick Lowe came on next. He was suffering from a throat infection that he “smuggled in” from the UK, and had a sort of pride in the fact that American medicines for this sort of thing just could not take it down. This was by way of apology for the fact that he would probably hit some strange notes that evening, and we would probably be able to pick them out.

Nick is releasing a new album, and re-releasing much of his old stuff as well, hence the tour. The show was a little over an hour. He didn’t play too many new songs—he noted that when people pay good money to see a show, and the performer says “We’re going to perform a new song”, the audience tends to fall into two camps. The first camp says, “Bring it on, we can’t get enough of it,” the second camp says, “How long will this take?” Nick confessed to being one of the second camp, and assured the “second-campers” in the audience that it wouldn’t take long at all. The new song was called, “I Read a Lot,” and was more in the country style that Nick seems to prefer on his later albums. I had been hoping he would play my two favorite songs by him—“Cruel to be Kind,” and “All Men are Liars,” and he delighted me by playing both.

Here is the set list, not necessarily in perfect order. If I’m missing songs (and I feel like I am), feel free to correct me if you’re reading this and attended the show:

People Change
What’s Shakin’ on the Hill
Long Limbed Girl
All Men are Liars
I Trained Her to Love Me
When I Write the Book
Lately I’ve Let Things Slide
Has She Got a Friend?
I Read a Lot
Cruel to be Kind
Without Love
Hope For Us All
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day
I Live on a Battlefield
Shelley My Love
Man That I’ve Become
I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock ‘n’ Roll
What’s So Funny About Peace Love and Understanding?