I have started about seven different blog posts since I wrote the last one. I can’t seem to finish any of them—if I can’t stand to re-read my text, or can’t get very far with it, I usually scrap it. If I’m bored by it, it’s likely you would be, too.
I love the silver and rose colored skies this time of year—especially at sunrise or sunset—but I can’t stand being outdoors. It’s been ridiculously cold this month—average January temperatures rather than December temperatures.
The day I was supposed to fly to London ended up being a snowy one in the UK—some places got a foot or more of snow, highly unusual. It is very likely that even if the Troxy gig went forward on that date, not many people would have made it. I’m not sure I would have made it—many flights were canceled. Chalk another event up to “the universe is way smarter than you” category. The snow enabled many Foxx fans with non-refundable arrangements to actually get refunds on account of the weather.
I had another John Foxx non-event that was similar—I was waffling on going to an exhibition opening in London that Foxx “might” be attending last April. I got no definite reply as to whether he’d be there, but my instincts told me not to go. I was upset when I learned that he actually did turn up—but as it happened, Eyjafjallajökull also erupted that weekend. It is likely I would have been stuck in London for quite some time with nowhere to go if I had made the trip. The universe is way smarter than you and me.
In reviewing some of my blog posts, I was reminded that I had made some predictions for 2010. I re-read them, and I would say none of them happened. Things exploded in a way I don’t think any sane person could have imagined in the U.S. Which shows you that I am much better at focusing on the present than to try to be prophetic. On the other hand—sometimes my predictions are only for me, even when I want them to be for everyone. So, I should go back again and see if they pertain to me at all.
It’s funny how we always want to know the outcomes of things before they happen. The whole uncertainty business leaves everyone feeling so very...well, uncertain. If you think about it, the fear of death is just another version of the fear of uncertainty. We have all sorts of metrics and reasoning tactics to determine the probable outcome of things. But that’s all it is—a probable outcome. We don’t really know, we just make logical guesses. And as I’ve mentioned hundreds of times before, life isn’t really all that logical.
Sometimes we cling to the past as a way of feeling comforted, a counterbalance to our fear of the future. Sometimes we look to others to predict the future. I think this is why psychics are so popular, in spite of any attempts to discredit them—if they consistently predict things with accuracy, then people feel there is a certain amount of reliability in their determination of the future. However—even during the years when research into ESP and psychic phenomena was fashionable, it was noted that the very best psychics were only accurate 80% of the time. So, you still have a 20% chance they will be dead wrong.
After meeting my guru and receiving a mantra from her, I noticed a common pattern in my life. An event would be coming up—I would plan for it, have expectations for it. I would even be sure about exactly how it would turn out, being I’d been to the same event before, did the same thing, etc., more than once. And then I would get there—everything would be screwed up, there would be many moments of panic—and then everything would turn out fine. Not as expected, but fine. Sometimes—the results of this whirlwind were better than expected.
So, you can probably see now why I don’t have a “5-year plan”, and why I don’t have expectations. Any plan I have must be flexible, because everything can change at a moment’s notice. And the more wedded you are to your expected outcome, the more freaked out you will become.
If you add this to the “universe is way smarter than you” factor—it’s as my guru says in 2 of the few English words that she knows—“Don’t worry”.